It’s all fat!

August 9, 2008

Just the other day, a lady that I know and (usually) like, put her arm around me and patted my belly.  “Oooh, what do we have here?”  she asked.  Ok, floor, open up and swallow me now please.  I responded, with much embarrassment, that yes, I knew I have been putting on a terrible amount of weight lately.   “Oh I thought maybe there was little surprise coming,” says she.  Good God, Heaven forbid!  “No” I say, forcing a laugh, “It’s all just fat.”  At this point I’m not feeling so happy anymore.  “Are you sure?” she insisted, sounding disappointed of all things.  No embarrassment on her part at all here.  Ok floor, scrap that.  Open up and swallow her instead.  At least she finally removed her hand from my fat stomach.  I responded with some final joke and managed to get the subject changed.  The only other lady in the room happened to have some sense of tact was extremely helpful in this.

I have a few thoughts to share based on this utterly humiliating experience.

First of all, even if I was pregnant, I would despise having my tummy rubbed by anyone else unless they were invited to.  Invited by me, thank you very much! Thank goodness I never actually had that happen when I was pregnant (amazingly if you think about that) because the pregnancy hormones tend to make me rather touchy, and that poor tactless woman might have been sporting a black eye or flattened nose over her little stunt.  

Secondly, unless it is absolutely obvious and there is no doubt at all, do not ever rub a woman’s belly (pregnant or otherwise) and/or ask when she is due.  In fact, even if it is obvious, don’t do that.  Never assume she is pregnant unless you hear her say so herself.  And for God’s sake, don’t touch her belly!   Ever.  That is her belly and her belly only and just because she is pregnant doesn’t make it public property.

Third, I know I’ve had five kids.  That doesn’t mean I’m wanting more.  In fact, it means quite the opposite.  It also doesn’t mean that I am going to be one of these women that have 20 kids and you can always assume that I am pregnant.  As well, after five pregnancies, surely I can be allowed to let myself go just a little and have a bit of a tummy.  In my mind, I’ve paid my dues and earned it.  I’m a real woman in real life and yes, I have put on some weight.  Until that moment, while I may not have been completely happy with my new physique, I was working on acceptance.  Until I had time to focus a little more energy on changing it anyhow.

Now, I find myself dealing with all sorts of insecurity issues that I didn’t even know I had.  The worst part is, I find myself watching everything I put in my mouth and food no longer has the same enjoyment for me it once had.  I’m making plans on how to get more active and lose some weight, which isn’t such a bad thing in itself, but the shame I feel is putting a damper on things and taking much of the joy out of it.  All in all, that 3 min moment in my life was completely embarrassing and has had some very deep and far-reaching effects on my life and psyche.  

For the record, I still think this lady had only innocent intentions at the time, and I still think she is a very nice person.  I will, however, be a little more guarded about my personal space around her.  And my belly.



  1. OMG! You poor thing…I had that happen a few months ago when I was having a particularly bad day with the celiac disease, and I’d bloated so much I looked kinda preggers.
    It was just a little mortifying, especially since my four year old (who wants a baby anyway), proceeded to spent the following three days when we were having a baby.
    Lots of fun.

    Another OMG…you have five kids? I totally didn’t know that. I always wanted a whole bunch of kiddos, but Huz isn’t really into more babies right now. *sigh*

    I don’t care what the situation, we should never have to justify our bellies, hips, thighs or any other part to anyone else. Nice theory; it’s the practice that is hard.

    And yeah, five. *sigh* Someone asked me how I was one day and my reply was “Outnumbered!” :mrgreen:

  2. Next time just pimpslap her.

    Ahh yes! The good ol’ pimpslap…

  3. my daughter always tells me im pregnant.
    no, girl, im just fat.

    I like to point out to my daughter that I used to be just as skinny minny as she is now, and then I follow it up with that good old adage about how daughters always end up just like their mothers. That’s not considered mean, is it?

  4. Jen!
    I didn’t even know you were back. Good to see you. Ah, don’t worry about this stuff –

    Hey Annie!

    Yes, unfortunately we’ve been back for a few weeks but I’m being run just ragged! I’m hoping that when school goes back and life gets into a routine again that I will be able to get back to visiting all my favorite bloggers again. Summer is great, I love summer, but I’m ready for the craziness to quiet for awhile now.

    Thanks for the visit!

  5. I agreee with Evyl I canp[ut her ass in shape for you….I have done it too my mother 😉

  6. Hi, Country! I’m sorry that I’ve been so quiet! Glad to hear that you’re home, safe and sound, and (hopefully) recovered from the plague(s) which struck during your trip.

    On another note, I heartily agree with your assessment of personal privacy in this post. I don’t know why anyone feels entitled to touch another person, regardless of their “state” (pregnant or not). My body is -not- public property, and nor is the status of my uterus at any given time.

    It sounds like you should get some healthy and delicious recipes! That way you don’t have to worry so much about what’s going in your mouth, and you can still (hopefully) enjoy food.

    I know what you mean about the self-consciousness, though. I’ve struggled with my weight and bizarre metabolism for a majority of my life, and it has not been until the most recent few years that I’ve been comfortable and confident with myself – and, even then, some events (such as the one which you experienced), will lapse me back to my former, negative way of thinking.

    Best wishes to you, and hang in there! 🙂

    -Mika / Kimberly

  7. Tried to answer to this a few times.
    However I put it, I end up saying something nasty. So I’ve decided not too say anything, but overall I agree with the sentiment of the comments above.

    Missing you. Hope it’s ‘just’ busy-ness.

  8. Are you ok??????

  9. Hello Jennifer,

    just popping in to wish you and your entire family a Happy New Year? Is it as cold over there as it is here?

    I’ve been a rather scarce blogger myself, but I’m going to make another effort next year. I hope all is well on your end. Still very busy I assume.

    Hope you got some wicked Swiss Chocolate for Christmas and all the other things you’ve wished for.

    Happy New Year!


  10. Well, you’ve probably heard that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions! I’m very overweight–over 100 lbs. overweight! And I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks–all that matters is what I think! That “lady” is a shallow fool, thus her words (at least in this case) are worthless! You have a tremendous advantage over her–you can change your appearance, but she can’t change her personality!

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